Little Lies by H Hunting & Helena Hunting

Author:H Hunting & Helena Hunting [Hunting, H & Hunting, Helena]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Helena Hunting
Published: 2020-11-15T18:30:00+00:00

Chapter Twenty

Time and Wounds

Lavender

Age 14

TIME IS SUPPOSED to heal all wounds. That’s how the saying goes, but I don’t know if I believe that. What I do believe is that with enough time, it’s possible to reframe every memory into a fairy tale or depressing drama.

Kodiak’s family moved to a different state the summer before he started high school, and life moved on without him.

And I’ve done better. I’ve learned how to manage the panic attacks. I’ve realized they’re attached to memories I’ve suppressed. Those have surfaced slowly, and they always seem like they’re more dream than reality. I hate clowns and small spaces. But I’ve learned how to deal with the monsters that live in my head.

I’ve also found a group of friends who like my weird and my quiet. I take sewing classes in my spare time. I see Queenie regularly. I volunteer at the art center and work with other kids who have anxiety and PTSD. I pour my energy into being productive. I try not to think about Kodiak.

But like a true addict, sometimes I relapse.

I don’t text or message. I’m smart enough to know better. But sometimes I creep his social media with the fake account I created. Tonight, I’m restless, missing my old life and the people who used to make me feel safe.

I pull up his profile, and my heart skips a beat. Kodiak is a junior this year, and I’m a freshman. We’d be at the same school again if they hadn’t moved. He’s filled out in the past two years. He’s tall and broad and growing into his body.

Kodiak’s nearly jet-black hair sweeps across his forehead, and his northern-light eyes stare back at me. He’s not smiling. In fact, he looks more annoyed than anything about his picture being taken. He’s sweaty, and the background tells me it’s post-practice of some kind. The caption reads: Missing my boy Mav, and my brother is tagged.

I tell myself I’m allowed to look at three pictures, and then I’ll log out and shut it off. I scroll down, and suddenly all the air and happiness is sucked out of my lungs. I want to unsee this picture.

Because in it, Kodiak is smiling, and there’s a girl tucked under his arm. Pretty, blonde, and tall. She looks like a model. I force myself to read the caption. Date night with my favorite girl.

And my poor, stupid heart breaks all over again.

But it’s the last time I creep on him.

It was bad enough when I saw him kiss that girl the night before he moved away. I’d been working up the nerve to go over there, wanting to keep it together long enough to say goodbye. When I’d decided I was ready, I looked out my bedroom window and there he was, kissing the same girl he’d taken to his eighth-grade graduation dance.

My chest felt like it was caving in then, and it feels the same now. I can’t watch him fall in love, not while

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